"No."
"No."
"No."
"Call in a couple months..."
Today I did some follow up on jobs in the Tri Cities. These were not quite the answers I was looking for. The most promising lead told me to call back in July (It's May).
It's hard after this to envision setting off to evangelize new lands. I really want to invest my whole heart to the mission ahead. I can't help but question myself. "Is God really calling us?" I probably shouldn't be so surprised that things are not going like I want them too. Couldn't things go perfect just this once.
Isaiah 55: 8-9
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
I would like to say I am OK with what ever happens. Perhaps I am for a few minutes a day. The other 23+ hours I have to pray about my heart. Many times I find that I am doubting, complaining, and faithless. "Increase my faith Lord!"
I'm tired pretty much every day just working, taking care of the family, and living out the mission here and now. Most of the time tomorrow seems impossible to plan for and to serve God with everything I have. I feel like I should have some sort of plan by now for going across the country. We have moved many times in the last 5 years and it is hard to think about it again. Each time has tested us to the breaking point mentally, physically, emotionally, and of course spiritually.
I have prayed some challenging prayers lately and I am struggling to wait patiently, and more importantly; with faith.
Matthew 14:30-31
But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
I think this is the part where I step out and see the wind start blowing.
1 comment:
I hear you brother! I appreciate your authenticity and transparency. Its a labor for me to write my thoughts therefore I will be brief. I feel much the same emotions as you do. The job search has been disappointing at best. Moving my family away from the amazing friends, family and education they are getting makes no sense. It is a battle everyday. Some days I prosper, some I survive and still others I spend nights awake with fear and despair in my heart. I know God has told Jess and I to go. Of this there is no doubt. Most folks in our fellowship believe we go to start a church. That is not why we go. We go because he said to go. We wish to know Him and be known by Him, to be like Him and be free. My thoughts are this: Ask Him if He wants you to go, seek His voice. Not your will but His will be done. He will answer you. If He says go. Go. Know this if you have need whatever is ours will be yours because ultimately it is His.
Your Brother in Him,
Brian
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