Repent!

So much to say...

The Edmunds family has been sick several times in the past month. Norovirus, flu, colds, and Francine's cold/wet weather issues. Guess who was not sick? Me. I had the pleasure of taking care of everyone. From a spiritual perspective, this was a great opportunity. I had a hard time seeing it that way most of the time.

Within a couple weeks of the sickness hitting us, I grew bitter and retracted into a funky cave of depression. I then went through (and still not done) an amazing time of conviction and eye opening from the Lord.

Matt 5:3
“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

I got to the point where my spirit finally broke. The weight that God needed to apply was pretty heavy. I take this to mean that I needed a lot to break through my sinful heart. The pride that I had been wrapping myself up in as my strength was shown to be what it really was - sin! I crashed down from my fantasy land where I was doing good. I felt terrible.

Matt 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.

At this point I really didn't know what to do. I do think, and feel, that God told me to just wait. "You just sit there in your mud for a while." Normally I wrap my pride all around me, stand back up, and march on with life. This time was different though. I think I finally saw that what I had been doing was faithless and self-willed. Not God at all!

Psalm 51:17
My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart
you, God, will not despise.

It has been several weeks since this began. I don't even know if I have really "learned" yet, but I am grateful that God loved me by showing me this part of my heart. I think I am understanding forgiveness so much more, and because of that I can live in grace more as well!